I've also noticed that those humans who already have microscopic vision, rarely get depressed. And when they do, it doesn't last long, because the world is too full of wonder and beauty, and this kind of vision eats your brain to the point where you can't deny that life is entertaining at its worst, and fascinating at its best.
Why do I wake up in the mornings?
For those five minutes of coziness, warmth and silence between the confusion of returning to the conscious state and jumping out of bed. To feel the soft sheets against my skin, and for the soft light coming through the red curtain, which makes my room orange like a sunset.
And some precious days, it's for the sound of rain, which is exciting because I imagine that the world is being cleansed, literally! and the foliage becomes dark green against the grey sky and the mist...
did I say mist? Oh man! Yes mist! That gets me up quickly! Isn't the world enigmatic & inspiring when mist is in the picture? The day is experienced under some sort of mystery spell. Curiosity intensifies. You see shadows everywhere, clearer than ever, and makes you wonder about the inexpicable. And the ability to feel the warmth of a cup of coffee between your hands is heightened. And there's more air in the brain area, which translates into less thinking and more feeling.
I wake up because my dog has the warmest body that's ever existed, and since he typically sleeps curled up against my stomach, I must grab him by the leg and drag him toward my chest so I can hug and kiss him intensely (and annoyingly for him). And his eyes, don't get me started on his gorgeous hazel eyes. Although my favourite part of his eyes is the sclera -no, I'm not crazy, I swear. Scleras steal my heart, can't help it. A human loves what a human loves. It's irrational.
I wake up so I can walk around the house in silence for a few minutes. I don't think there's anything more pleasurable in life than a moment of silence.
And for the sound of the percolator. And for the smell of brewing coffee. The taste is great, but it doesn't beat the SMELL.
And for self expression through the clothes I'll wear. The decoration of this fleshy vessel is mighty fulfilling. Why? It's creative. And it's connective. Creates connection between the inner being and the physical.
And proving myself to myself. Personal growth.
And amazing conversations with other human creatures. Conversations that keep me awake in the train back home when I could be napping. But I feel too stimulated and alive after those rare moments of meaningful interaction, and it feels like my entire life is a single entity with an aura. And I literally feel and see its aura.
And I wake up for walks in the forest. And for lying down in the park.
And because I will have breakfast in a coffee shop with my friend tomorrow, and because I will be hanging out with my funny mother in the evening. But do you know what I'm most excited about? The 45-minute train ride to where she is. The landscapes I'll get to see, the music I'll be listening to, the people I'll have the opportunity to observe and whose lives I'll create in my imagination.
Allowing myself to be inspired by other people. Don't you just love discovering a new perspective you never knew existed? The state of wonder that other humans create within you... it's amazing. And I'm not only talking about people offline. Just observe all the blogs that exist. Why are humans obsessed with blogs?
Why are you here? Why are you bothering to read my nonsense? I bet it creates a reaction when in contact with a substance that exists within you. It moves you in some way. Sometimes it's positive, and sometimes it's a negative reaction. Both situations make you feel alive. What I read from others enhances something that already exists within me. They open portals in my brain, and sometimes in my heart too, and the experience makes me more me. Humans remind me of who I am when they are themselves. Contrast, baby, contrast ;)
So yes, I wake up to experience contrast.
I wake up for the human potential.
And for the dream of connection with others. I say it's a dream because I rarely experience this thing called connection. That's how hilariously un-enlightened I am xD
I think this lack is what has most of us in the grip of desperation and frustration, which may lead to a depressed state. So I dream of connection, like I believe everyone does. Dreaming is just as valid a reason to be excited as doing is. Everything that's ever been done, made, created at the physical level was first imagined. Dreams are kept alive by faith, and faith is something one cultivates day after day. Faith is not a static thing inside you; it's an animal, and as such it must be fed. So contrary to popular belief, dreaming and faith take effort.
Personally, I feed it with:
♦ creative self expression.
♦ putting myself and what I make out there to be seen.
♦ talking to people who have what I desire. Collecting evidence is crucial if you are to believe in something you've never seen or experienced at the personal level.
♦ the right youtube channels for me.
♦ being extremely picky when it comes to friendships, family members, my facebook feed...
♦ documentaries that make me expand.
♦ the right music for my persona.
♦ shutting off my eternally humming mind at least once a day & being in my body fully. How? Yoga or belly dance. Or any kind of dance.
I love discovering different beautiful & interesting worlds through other people. Notice how I used positive adjectives, because not every world I see will do. I don't watch the news, or violent tv shows that make my stomach turn in a nasty way (I'm thinking of Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead). I get upset talking to bigots, so I avoid them. I don't hang out with seemingly lovely people who give me a bad vibe or drain me for no tangible reason. I trust my gut. It doesn't mean they are bad people, it simply means that we don't vibe on the same page, and that's okay. I am free to choose my own reality (this reminds me: Install a no-bullshit clause in your life. Do it!) and I consciously stay active in my own life, not passive. I say be selective about what you keep in your personal world. I won't say "omg I wake up because I want to see everything people have to offer to the world". No. I don't want to see talibans or homophobia or people who make a living in the fur industry, to name a few energy drainers. I only want beauty. This means I take measures to not feed into what I think is ugly and wrong in the world (one of the ways I contribute to my vision of beauty is by being a vegan), and at the same time not focus on pain all day, like most people do. I don't want to talk about animal suffering at the dinner table. Gives me indigestion. I prefer to talk about the deliciousness of apples. Focus is a choice. There are other times during the day when I consider it okay to talk about ugliness, and I've come to discover what those appropriate times are for me. Meals are a time for nourishment, and I don't discuss politics. Learn what your needs are and implement the knowledge you gain about yourself.
There's a difference between acknowledging the existence of something and inviting it into your life to stay. I want to be informed about the horrors that go on in the world so that I can make choices to substract ugliness and add beauty -what organization needs my money? what are animals going through? what's happening to my neighbor and how can I help? I'm not an advocate of ignoring negative happenings, and I think that in order to deal with horrors effectively and not be drained by them, we must develop self-care systems. This requires the famous phrase Know thyself. Know your limit, put up boundaries. Put your systems in place and declare them non-negotiable.
make me wake up in the mornings.
No big plans. Life for me is in the everyday details. Microscopic vision.
When I forget my reasons, I do something outside my comfort zone but that doesn't stretch me to the point of pain. Begin a new book, talk to someone I've been avoiding, force myself to write a blog post I don't want to write, offer my help to a family member, rearrange the furniture in my house and do a profound cleanse of the space, find something new to fall in love with, push myself to take 5 good pictures in one day, set myself one small-ish creative challenge. I go on a date with the moon, or the sun, or both. I watch the lights of planes as I sit on the ground in my tiny garden. I forget to do these simple activities during winter because the cold of night pushes me to stay indoors. So I create a different experience, and it always shakes up dormant voices and feelings.
It's no secret that my biggest "problem area" in life is connection with other humans. I experience it so few times that it actually makes me unhealthy, not just emotionally but physically too. The irony is that connection is my purpose in life. No wonder I was depressed for so long. In my health journey, I have found that connecting to life in a broader sense, not just human-to-human level, keeps me going.
I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep being born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.
Beauty means different things to different people.
What does it mean to you?