Looking at the 41 goals (*) I wrote down to be accomplished in 2014, only 4 didn't come true. Pheeew!!! I'm amazed at everything I got to do and experience, especially my ever-most-important topics that are recurrent in my lists year after year:
✧ My personal growth.
✧ Relationships. This includes family, friendships & acquaintances.
✧ Romantic relationships.
Positive things happened in all those areas at once, and I'm thrilled and grateful. I did work hard internally in order to overcome limiting beliefs that had been blocks against my dreams for a long time. And it all paid off. None of it came without triggering my fears first, which goes to show that you must be ready internally in order to accept what you receive into your life. It's easy to listen & obey the "I'm not good enough for this" voices in our heads.
*Sometimes, readers interested in the same workbooks as me (Leonie's) ask me how I manage to come up with 100 goals, and here's the thing: I don't force goals. Desires simply pop up in my head. There's no thinking involved, it's all about gut and heart. If it was mental, there would be no emotional force to back it up. So if it turns out that I feel like accomplishing 100 things, then yay! If I only feel like doing 5 things, then that's what I will pursue. I see the "100 goals" page as a template, a suggestion of what's possible, but never homework.
I was always stubborn in my conviction that there was someone out there with a personality & lifestyle who would easily compliment my personality & lifestyle. I was convinced that I didn't have to settle for mediocre relationships just because I liked or loved the person. For me, compatibility has always been as important as feelings, and I find it easy to separate the two and look at my relationships with people from a non-feeling space, aka objectively. I'm an extremist, in case it's not obvious through my blogging adventures. I don't do half-assed. I don't do mediocrity. I want mind-blowing mixed with graceful mixed with easygoing mixed with flowing, or nothing at all. For years, I met people who wanted a relationship with me and I never understood why. We had little in common. They based decisions only on feelings and whims. I liked them, sure, but we were incompatible as far as I was concerned. I always thought I could do better than those people, and remained faithful to my vision. I've never been one to bang relationships into place. I even broke up with my own mother years ago. We didn't speak for a decade. I refuse to make choices that drain me. I'm not a masochist.
In my opinion, getting caught up in feelings and ignoring the compatibility aspect is a mistake. Trying to fit a square person into your triangle life is a waste of energy, time and, let's be honest, money. I think that the majority of people insist on pursuing draining relationships because in their subconscious mind they think there is no good fit for them out there in the world, so they obsess over what's in front of their eyes. They give up their true desires. They'd rather have something low-quality than nothing. I would rather have a blank page than something lousy that occupies sacred space. My life -both inner and outer- is made up of many sacred spaces and I fill them up carefully and consciously.
It all began as a teenager. I decided then that I didn't want to be in a relationship in the way my peers did them. They seemed shallow, all-consuming & an obstacle for my other life goals. I promised myself I would only dedicate my time, energy & money to someone if it benefitted my life highly. I've always loved my solitude and nobody had ever been able to beat it. I never allowed myself to be blinded by my feelings for someone (strange for an NF temperament, some people say), so I remained single -but not emotionally unavailable- for twenty-nine years, on purpose. And always committed to my self-growth first.
Yes, I'm picky. My vision of my potential life partner has been called "impossible" many times. I thought those people knew nothing about human potential & happiness, and I carried on believing in my dream.
And here I am. With him.
I have no forever plans, because I don't do forevers, but I also see myself with him for a long time. It's difficult to explain how my brain works and sees things. Right now I'm enjoying everything and flowing and thinking "Seeeee????? I knew this existed, tooold you!!!". No mediocrities, thank you. The whole package -feelings & compatibility- is possible. The not-so-secret ingredients are vision, belief, words, integrity & patience.
★ Coffee shop dates with C.
★ Train rides with C.
★ Drinking hot chocolate spiced with orange and cinnamon while I watch good tv shows in bed.
★ Dreamy eeeeyes.
★ More money coming in than last month.
★ M & J are back together.
★ The medieval fair with C.
★ A lot less time spent at my mom's bar. I reeeeally needed a break from her.
★ Broke up friendship with E. Liberating.
★ Got a second aloe vera.
★ New gorgeous and soft blanket for my bed.
★ 3-hour hike with C.
★ Receiving etsy orders.
★ Amaaaaazing falafel.
★ Cuddling while we watch hysterical youtube vids.
★ Had a brief astral experience.
★ Cookies with chocolate cream.
★ Blowjobs. I swear I could do this day after day, it's one of my favourite hobbies.
★ Orgasms while looking into his eyes.
★ When he sleeps over. Yeeessss!
★ Waking up next to him.
★ Days of solitude with lots of internet surfing, self-pampering, blog reading, photo taking, foresting, gardening, baking, home decoring, internal processing, journaling, collaging, drawing, shopping, yogaing & hot-water bathing.
★ Fresh juice of fennel, ginger, apple, carrot & pear.
★ High-quality coffee.
★ Foresting with dad.
★ Small bonfires.
★ Workbooks. Pure obsession.
★ Went to the theatre with family to see a play. Don't you love hardwood floors and the echo in high-ceilinged public buildings?
★ C bought us an assortment of gigantic cookies at the Honeydukes-like shop and we enjoyed discovering and judging every flavor.
★ C is in the process of reading me the entire book 1 of A Song of Ice and Fire out loud. No, I'm not joking. Best husband ever. I could never find the time or energy or motivation to read those books by myself -specially after disliking the tv series- and so far I'm enjoying it very much!
★ Celebrated Christmas' Eve & el cagatió with only three family members. Intimate. Zero stress. A blast.