Unfortunately, I am abandoning this blog.

(Above) Chillin' for hours at Starbucks. I've been going to the city many times a week this month, which is unusual, and I've been treating myself to cozy places where I could read my books in peace.

Trip to Girona.

Life:

✫ Feeling super high everyday. 
✫ Fantastic Beasts with M and J!!!!
✫ Went to the city a lot; an abnormal amount of a lot!
✫ The winter coat mom bought me.
✫ That fancy tea shop mom and I went to.
✫ Covers of the song Hallelujah.
✫ Christmas decor!
✫ Queenie Goldstein.
✫ Lush haul. Have you tried Floating Island? omg I'm obsessed.
✫ That endless afternoon+evening with mom at our usual coffee shop where we chatted about life for hours on end, to the point where we had to order twice. Good conversation, coffee & sugar is the only fulfillment I need in life tbh.
✫ Self date shopping for Christmas. Bought myself an entire store of red & white lingerie; I'm not sorry.
✫ A lovely loooong conversation with C on the phone.
✫ Feeling that I'm a loving person and that nothing can stop me.
✫ Being a force of nature.
✫ Amazing road trip to Girona with family. I had a blast.
✫ How fun my family is and how we have the same interests so we laugh a lot and talk a lot and stimulate each other's intellects.
✫ Doing my inner work.
✫ The Graham Norton show (well, when am I not obsessed with it? It's such a part of my happy life), lately I've been binge re-watching my fave old shows. It gets my blood pumpin'.
✫ The return of Gilmore Girls. So many tears I shed! Oh my.

(Above) Charging my new journal.

Visited my ex-university several times.

​(below) Chillin' on campus.

Life:

✫ I'm excited everyday and moving forward feels like an excellent adventure. ✫ Beltaine, the band. ✫ Vegan mozzarella cheese. ✫ Spending hours on campus at my ex-university feeling inspired by the liveliness of people and the Hogwarts aesthetic. ✫ Self-dates in Barcelona city treating myself to various coffees and home decor shopping heehee. ✫ Made floating wizarding candles as a crafts project, how fun! ✫ Homemade hot chocolate with ginger powder. ✫ Almost every day was a rainy day. ✫ Amazing walks in the forest (when it didn't rain). ✫ Yoga almost everyday to help me move forward emotionally.✫ Found tumbled stones in a random shop for 10 cents each. ✫ A wonderful documentary on tv about London that made me revive things from my past and got me emotional. ✫ Bob Dylan won the Novel Prize for Literature! ✫ Trips to Barcelona city with my sister: Bought moleskine notebooks and vanilla perfume and visited our mother. ✫ Mom fattening us up with delicious pastries. ✫ Rewatched The Vampire Diaries season one under blankets and rain outside. ✫ The great skull drinking jar I bought myself for this season. ✫ Reading empowering books. ✫ The excitement of doing the inner work. ✫ All the silent afternoons. ✫ The beautiful yt channel The Skin Deep. ✫ Corn cakes with coconut oil and salt. ✫ Went to the cinema twice. Love the feeling of coziness and obscurity. ✫ Red wine. ✫ My new amazing daily rituals as a single person. I feel so free and inspired!! (which doesn't mean I'm not looking for my next big love, cause I am, but I'm enjoying being single so much as well). I have this incredible feeling of expansion, evolution and reinvention. ✫ Self date at Starbucks. ✫ Went to the cemetery with dad. ✫ Mushroom ravioli with beans and curry sauce. I die!! I'm such a culinary genius! ✫ Baked cakes and cupcakes all month long. ✫ Sold a couple of books online for extra cash. ✫ Re-reading Pride & Prejudice. I had forgotten how cozy and fun and warm it makes me feel! And I still think that Mr Darcy is an overrated asshole. ✫ Pagan Euro-centric radio shows that inspire me and make me feel safe in my beliefs and show me that I'm not crazy and there's people out there who think like me.

Cold afternoons at home baking (vegan) cupcakes.

New month, new happiness list.

I have five pages left in my bullet journal and will begin the new one either tomorrow or on Monday. Excitement!!! Here are mini glimpses of details from the one that's coming to an end.

The photos have different colors because they were taken with different cameras. I've tried my best to make the second batch similar, but I just can't comprehend technology, so this will have to do. Plus, the fact that it was a rainy day and there was no natural light didn't help.

01. Highwayman // Johnny Cash
02. The Wrote & The Writ // Johnny Flynn
03. Lookin' out my back door // Creedence Clearwater Revival
04. Whiskey // Trampled by Turtles
05. The Boxer // Mumford and sons
06. You can't stop the changes // The Infamous Stringdusters
07. Dreams (cover) // Jemma Johnson
08. Ghost Town // First Aid Kit

Found these scans in my old PC. They're from the livejournal era, how fun! Warning: I was very depressed back then and journals & art were helping me channel a grim view of the world. 
The size of the pictures is smaller than usual because that was the size of my livejournal posts, so they got saved like that.

A reading I did for myself about my relationship. Extremely accurate!

Barcelona city.

That afternoon in the city we ended up going into one of the many Gothic cathedrals, where coincidentally a mass was taking place. I adore going to cathedrals, churches and just any temple of any religion because I love the cold, the darkness, the serenity, the smells, the calm & quiet, the no rushing to get anywhere, the architecture & the echoes.

Sorry about the bad quality of the photos. It was too dark for my poor camera, and also I still don't know my camera very well. Logically, I know there must be some setting for dark spaces, but I haven't found it yet cause me & technology don't get along.

Life:

✫ I love how well I've integrated the breakup with C, I've felt centered and inspired all autumn ✫ My oracle of Shadows & Light. I've been doing a daily draw to prompt me to reflect on things, and it's been so helpful ✫ My strawberry plant that is taking over my garden! ✫ Finished a journal and started a new one in September! Don't you love fresh new notebooks ✫ Buying a ton of essential oils ✫ First Aid Kit ✫ My mom bought me my first ever lemon slushie, soooo good! ✫ Donating money to Kelly Eden's gofundme even though I don't care about Sailor Moon at all and I don't watch her episodes, but I love her other content, her art and Kelly herself and I wanted to give back to her after all the soulful content she shares with everyone ✫ Ink & stamps, I'm so obsessed ✫ Went to see las perseidas (star shower/meteor shower..? translation?) to the top of the mountain with my dad, my sister and J at 2am. It was the most magical night of the whole year for me ✫ Read The Cursed Child and hated it ✫ Finally watched Ghostbusters and loved it ✫ Filling my room with coffee scented & ginger scented candles ✫ Sold a few of my books online that I didn't plan on re-reading ✫ That super fun day with C in August in Barcelona city shopping for really cool things (and yes I bought even more stamps for my ink, not sorry) ✫ The studyblr community on tumblr ✫ Bought a few books from amazon and hated them all, what is going on! Except one, Living Thelema, that was interesting although nothing new, the content was already very familiar to me and I'm not into Thelema's "rules" or beliefs, so although the book was really interesting as curiosity reading, it didn't affect my life in any tangible way ✫ Started reading The Raven Boys because my sister read the four books recently and told me I had to read them too. So far the first book is good, but I'm not hooked, I hope it gets better please, I really want to finally find a book that captivates me, everything I read is disappointing, come oooon ✫ Sarbdeep Swan started a blog and he's on a mission to expose Teal. Finally! I'm so glad that more and more people are coming forth talking about Teal and how dangerous she is. ✫ The film Far From The Madding Crowd, I've lost count of how many times I've watched it, it's one of my comfort films ✫ Outlander, another comfort ✫ An abundance of cloudy days ✫ Beltaine (the band, I mean) ✫ Vegan mozzarella cheese ✫ Burning cinnamon oil all day ✫ Bon Iver ✫ Listened to as many covers as I could find by many many people of Fleetwood Mac's Dreams ✫ Quiet walks with C on Sunday evenings, sometimes in the fields, sometimes in the forest.

Did my best to make a Summer Lookbook on my yt channel. So so so many thanks go to C for helping me film. You see, I adore filming and photographing, they're passions of mine, but posing or being filmed is extremely awkward for me, I prefer to do behind-the-scenes work and have someone or something else be the center of attention. I felt very inspired all summer long to do a couple of yt vids, it just called me, so I did. I'd love to do more vids and to keep exploring my own mind and the world around me through a lens and through editing software. I find editing programs extremely difficult to understand because I don't get along with technology. But I really want to learn more, just because I want to be able to express myself creatively in a way that feels closer to what's in my mind and how I see the world. So far, none of my videos feel "totally me" and that's because I struggle with technology a lot and it's like it creates this barrier between my mind and what I want to put into the world as a reflection. I'll have to keep learning and be okay with feeling disconnected from my vids until I learn how to use things properly. I've been posting vids on yt since 2007, exploring my own mind, my life, the lives of my friends (I remember when I used to make vids with my friend many years ago, now deleted), and to this day I still feel like my videos aren't me. But that's okay. I love the process of filming (editing not so much) and I'll just continue and keep trying to get better at it.

(Above quote)
​"So every day - I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth of the ideas of God. - One of which was you." -Mary Oliver ​

It's been almost a week since I started feeling better from my depression. I'm not sure at what point exactly I switched to get to this point of actual excitement and hope for life (the terrors are still here but they're manageable so far), I think it was an accumulation of hard work in the self-development sense, plus the fantastic weather (I'm extremely sensitive to low temperatures), plus a bunch of soulful yet simple experiences, such as swimming in the ocean once a week. I don't really want to get into the very serious soul-searching stuff because it drains me to talk about it.

The touch of nature has been important. Nature balances me and I don't have to do anything other than enjoy my experiences in it. And sure I spent weeks before this one going to the forest near my house a few times a week, but for some reason it wouldn't do anything to me. I needed to literally float in salt water and set myself in flames under the sun REPEATEDLY in order to actually FEEL something other than despair. And like I said, my feeling better was also very much about podcasts and books and a spiritual practice and communing with my goddess and journaling and making tough decisions and feeling tons of shame and working through it all and... well, a lot more other activities. One day I simply woke up feeling inspired. I don't know what happened during my sleep.

Yesterday's sunset. I finally remembered to bring my camera to the forest last evening. C and I have been going there every other evening to do some physical activity (he trains for parkour-ian purposes) and I mostly just explore the greenery and bugs, and occasionally practice my pull-ups (which let me tell you are terrible, I'm a weakling when it comes to arms; legs are my strong weapon). We often see rabbits, some adults, some babies, and I damn myself for never bringing the camera to capture the cuteness. Yesterday I remembered, but alas no cute little things were around.

I've been obsessed with my Victorian Fairy tarot deck, as always. I can never not have it around, it's just so totally me, and I'm so connected to it. I've also been reading a lot of norse/viking history and myths, and that's kept me excited and obsessive. I've also dedicated a whole week to review my Leonie workbook, take inventory of the year so far and plan not only the rest of the year but also the rest of the summer season. Speaking of the late summer approaching, I'm extremely excited for Lammas for some reason, it's strange because I've never been particularly obsessed with it. I'm a Beltane & Solstice person. I've already changed the Solstice colors in my seasonal bouquet and made a Lammas inspired one. Also (so many alsos), I've started my own A Year and A Day thing/path. I don't know how to call it. I've never liked any of the AYaAD I've seen in textbooks because I'm not Wiccan and I'm not into rules, so I'm making my own. Only I know what I need to explore and learn and express. I'm extremely excited about it.

(Above) Finished my bullet journal and started a new one in May.

(Below) I keep lists in my regular journals of things I want to do every season, and I decided to copy the current summer list onto my visual journal as well. It will go on the right.

The following photos were taken with my mother's phone, that's why the quality is different. We went on a one-day family road trip to a couple of villages near the town where we live.

Castellfugit de la Roca

Besalú